014 -- Alex's Package From Her Parents

I woke up this morning with an odd, warm feeling. Not a good warm, though, more like this room is too hot warm. And my head felt heavy. I didn't want to think about clothes, but I also didn't want to walk around in pajamas, so I threw on a plain, boring t-shirt and jeans, and walked down into the common room. There were some other people, including Nessie, already there, conversing with one another, and I didn't want to disturb them, but I didn't seem to see anyone else around. I was staring towards the staircase to the boy's dorms, hoping someone I knew would walk down them, but I was poked in the shoulder. I jumped as Alex popped up behind me.

"Boo!" she said. I'd never seen her so goofy, so I stood there staring at her, my hand over my heart.

"Alex," I said, genuinely surprised, "you scared me."

She grinned at me and looked as though she wanted to say something, but we were interrupted by the very person I was hoping would come down the stairs.

"Alex, what are you doing?" Loki asked dourly, as he approached us. Now my surprise was directed at him. It wasn't like him to be so short with people. I figured it must have something to do with our upset by Jo the night before.

"Sorry Alex, I didn't see you there!" I said quickly, hoping to divert the situation, "In fact, I didn't see you at all! Where were you?"

"I was over by the fire," she explained, glancing over, before looking back at Loki with a confused expression on her face. "I got a package from my parents, but it didn't come by owl, which seems..weird. A professor delivered it to me today."

She turned to smile at me. "Sorry about that, but I never get to sneak up on my own family, so I have to make up for it now." I grinned back at her.

Loki's attention was, thankfully, directed elsewhere. He was staring at the package. "What did they send you? It must be a gift, because of your first year here." I couldn't tell if he was interested or not, but his face had softened, so I played along, too.

"That's wonderful! Your parents sent you something? But why haven't you opened it yet?" I exclaimed, perhaps more cheerfully than I felt. I had glanced over at the package when she mentioned it, but it seemed...off. I was nervous, but I was trying to mask it. So I strode over to the fireplace and reached out to grab it. She whisked it out from under me.

"I don't know what it is," she admitted, "but now I have people with me, I suppose I'll open it."

Loki leaned forward as she ripped the tape off the box and pulled aside the panels. My mind was wandering, and I stared at his excited face with some curiosity. I assumed it was school supplies--what else would they send her? And didn't her parents hate her or something? I struggled to remember, but the truth was, I didn't remember much. Alex always seemed to be in the background, getting hurt or dropping and losing things or being sad or upset about something, but we'd never really gotten around to a proper conversation. I didn't want to upset her, though, so I turned back to the box as she pulled paper out of it, feeling a little more curious about it, myself.

"I can't believe it!" she said suddenly, pulling the last ball of paper out, "It's...it's my harp. I can't believe they sent it to me! I didn't think they even knew I had it." She extracted from the box what was probably the most beautiful musical instrument I had ever seen in my life, and my mother in a semi-professional orchestra. The handle was made of a finely polished, dark oak wood, and the strings seemed to glint and shine in gold and silver, as if they were really made from the precious metals. I was fascinated by it, and asked if I could hold it.

"Sure," she said, still smiling, and handing it over. "I taught myself how to play it, and I'm very happy I have it again. I never thought I'd see it again, actually."

I was almost afraid to touch it, and as I held it, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something about it wasn't right. It was...off, somehow, just like the package had been unopened. The more I looked at it, the more I wanted it, and the less I wanted to be near it. Was it jealousy? I shook my head a little, trying to clear my thoughts. Would jealousy drive me to want to run screaming from the room without it? I wasn't so sure.

"Alex," I said shakily, through my flurry of thoughts, "how did you get such a nice instrument at the age of eleven if your parents never even knew you had it? It looks expensive.."

I saw her face fall, and I looked at Loki. He was staring at the harp, too, but his eyes lit up as though he had awakened when I spoke, and they were mirroring a lot of my own doubts.

She fiddled with her cloak. "My grandmother gave it to me when I was five," she stammered. "Before she died. She told me I should have it."

I still couldn't shake the uneasy feeling I had. "But how is it in such good condition if you taught yourself how to play it at the age of five? I mean, that's six years of normal wear and tear at least. I don't know much about magic, but I do know about being a young girl and banging up an instrument, and this doesn't look right, somehow.." I let my voice drift off, feeling choked. I thought of my violin, sitting up in my dorm....all the nicks in the wood, the dents in the case...how my mother wouldn't let me even think about a new one until I could prove responsibility with the one I had..

I couldn't take another second of it. I placed the harp on a nearby coffee table and stepped back from it quickly. "I'm sorry guys, I have to...I need to go outside for a minute..."

Without looking back at their stunned faces, I turned and fled from the room. My breathing was ragged; I was panicking. I'd never panicked before, about anything. I raced up the stairs out of the dungeons, and ran down the main hall, looking for a refuge. Seeing that the front doors were open, I charged towards them. The fresh air..I just needed the fresh air. On my way down the hall I passed Joellen, who was sitting on a blanket in the hall with an open notebook in her hand, but I barely noticed her.

Once at the open doors, I leaned on the arches and pressed my cheek to the cool stone, breathing deeply and attempting to calm myself down. Now that I was away from the closeness of the common room, and the harp...I felt silly. I had over-reacted, hadn't I? It was just a musical instrument, and a magical one, at that. There was no need to be so stupid over it. I suddenly felt bad, thinking of what I must have cost Alex in my panic. I had ruined her one happy moment. Sighing, I sat down on the steps, right as Loki raced past Jo to join me, and she stood up, herself, watching the two of us.

"What happened back there?" Loki asked as he caught up with me, taking a seat on the steps, as well.

Joellen practically skipped over to join the two of us, looking pleased with herself. She propped open the notebook on one hand and continued to scribble in it, keeping half an eye on the two of us.

"It's nothing, really. I'm sorry.." I said, keeping my eyes closed. I took a few more deep breaths before opening them.

"I over reacted, " I told him, "I'm sure you think I'm insane.."

Jo smiled to herself, catching my attention for the first time.

"What are you writing?" I asked, fearing it might be something about me.

"Independent Studies," she answered promptly, not bothering to look up.

"I don't think you're insane, " Loki whispered, leaning towards me. He looked as upset as I felt. "Really. I'm just worried about you. Are you sure you're ok?"

I sighed. "I over reacted," I repeated firmly. "I'm fine. That harp was really very beautiful. Gorgeous. I wish I had one." I looked down, dropping to a whisper, myself. "I was just jealous of it, is all. I don't know why it freaked me out like that. It just did. I just wish I had one.." I wasn't telling him the truth. Why? He was my friend. Best friend, even. Why wouldn't I just tell him it weirded me out? That it was too nice, too beautiful, and was obviously quivering with some kind of magic...and not a good feeling kind? I couldn't answer any of these, myself, so I let it drop.

I looked back at Joellen, and the uncomfortable feelings from the night before resurfaced. I didn't want her to know she was getting to me, so I put on my best cynical face before speaking to her.

"So, Miss Joellen," I said sarcastically, "been eavesdropping on anyone today?"

She glared at me, finally snapping the notebook shut. "It wasn't eavesdropping, it was intensive listening. I don't want anyone talking bad about me."

She opened the notebook and scribbled another note, before looking back up at me with a disgusted look on her face.

"You shouldn't lean on that wall, you know," she told me, "don't you realize how many germs are probably crawling all over that? You'll get sick."

I shrugged at her, and then gave her a wicked grin. "Oh really? So how do you intend on getting that blanket off the floor without touching those very same germs, yourself?"

Her face blanched, and she glanced back up into the hall, at the blanket she'd been sitting on. She obviously hadn't thought about germs when she placed it there. But she smoothed her face out. "I wasn't. I'm leaving it there." She told me serenely.

Loki was staring from her face to mine, eyes wide. "Hey now.." he said slowly, "You two aren't going to start fighting, are you?"

"This isn't a fight," Joellen said, looking back into the hall. Alex was approaching us, now, looking worried and deeply depressed. I sighed. "Hello, Ms. Alex," Jo said brightly, pausing to scribble more into her book. "How are you today?"

Alex ignored her. She looked past me and appealed to Loki. "Please don't be mad at me!" she begged him. "I'll never mention...it...again. It's in my dorm now and I won't pull it back out!" She was nearly in tears, but I was staring at her in shock. After all, it hadn't been Loki that was freaked out by the harp, but me. Alex had come running out of the common room, not to apologize to me about it, but to talk to Loki. My eyes narrowed at her. What was she playing at? I didn't want an apology; if anything, I should apologize to her. But why was she staring through me as though I didn't exist so that she could cry on Loki's shoulder?

The truth of the situation hit me like a load of bricks, and I gasped, attracting their attention. She liked him! Far from being jealous, I was surprised, and a little put off. I didn't care if she liked him, she could have him, as long as we were still friends. But wrinkling her nose at Frey, and then mysteriously changing her mind and getting a kitten the next day? I suddenly wasn't sure whether she wanted to be friends at all, or whether she just wanted to talk to him, and I suppose my doubt was starting to show on my face, because they were both staring at me, so I smiled quickly.

"I didn't mean to freak out like that!" I assured her suddenly. "I'm sorry, it was beautiful. You'll have to play for me sometime." I shut up and looked down. I didn't want to fight with anyone. I was feeling as though my head weighed a ton, and I really wanted to go back to bed. Enough for one day.

Loki was looking at me, but turned back to Alex first. "It's okay." he told her. He looked back at Jo. I watched him, wondering what he'd say to her. He looked worried..as though he didn't want her to blab whatever it was she'd heard the night before. All good humor gone, he looked her in the eye. "I know you might find it intimidating, but you really should try and be nicer to people rather than condescending."

She snorted and flipped her hair. "I'm not condescending," she told him. "If I really wanted to be mean, I could tell your little friend Jordan how atrocious her taste in clothing is, or how awful she looks all the time, with her hair all over the place." She flashed a wicked smile at the two of us, who were both shocked. "How inexperienced you two are. Trust me, Loki, I'm as kind as they come."

She scribbled more into her notebook in the stunned silence that followed, and then closed it up with a snap. I jumped. "Now if you'll please excuse me, I need my beauty rest. It's not easy looking this good all the time." She turned on her toes and headed back through the halls, ascending the steps towards the towers.

The shock was wearing off, and I was furious. "What is her problem?!" I said through gritted teeth. I stood up very quickly, swaying when the blood rushed from my head. I grabbed the arch for support, and looked at Loki and Alex. "I'm sorry again, guys, but I really don't feel well. I think I need to go back to bed." I walked away as fast as I could manage, turning it all over in my head.

There you go, Alex, I thought. He's all yours.

Once in my dorm room, I left the door open, and strode straight over to my violin case. I needed to calm my nerves, and then get some rest. I pulled out the beat up little instrument as carefully as though it were glass, and stared at it. I'd had it since I was eight years old, and it was definitely showing the wear and tear. I sighed and placed it down, so I could pull out the bow and tighten it. I brushed some rosin onto it, picked up the violin, and played for myself, letting the music flow through my veins and take the edge away with it. I played through everything I knew by heart, keeping my eyes closed tight, and for the first time since I'd come to this school, I tried to forget there was more magic in the world than this.